Rushville Republican

Church

April 11, 2014

Why I am happy to pay my taxes and other mendacities

(Continued)

Of all the things I love doing in this world, and there are plenty, paying my income tax each year does not rate number one. Do not get me wrong, I really enjoy shelling out my hard-earned money and sending it to politicians to invest in one of their pork projects.

Every time I have a little extra cash in my pocket, I always wonder what that happy crowd in Washington DC could do with it. Usually I am tempted to send it to them along with a little note that says, “Spend it with my compliments.”

To be quite honest, there are few things I enjoy more than filing my income tax each year.

One would be calling the telephone company to straighten out my telephone bill. This is good for an entire day of delightful conversation with idiots. Every time I think my life cannot get any lower and drabber than it is, I simply pick up the telephone and call customer service at my friendly telephone company. Within three minutes, (after I had been put on hold for 27 minutes) I recognize exactly how wonderful my life truly is.

Probably the most magnificent thing about calling customer service is that you know somebody’s going to get it all screwed up and you will have the pleasure of doing it all over again next week. A wonderful ongoing relationship that is priceless.

Another activity I enjoyed doing more than filing my income tax is spending five whole days in bed with the flu. Nothing could be more delightfully entertaining.

Just think of it, five whole days to luxuriate in your bed and not have to get up and do a thing. Talk about a vacation! What with the sneezing and coughing, and your nose running like the mighty Mississippi, and your head thumping like an African bongo drum, what more could a person ask for?

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