Rushville Republican


April 25, 2013

Wolfsie: Long day’s journey

RUSHVILLE — I have never aerated my lawn. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever written the word “aerated” before. If I did I am sure I misspelled it. I think I accidentally went from liquefy to aerate while making a strawberry shake in our blender. That’s the extent of my experience. I guess I aerate my tire when it is flat, but I don’t think that word works with a 7-year-old car. If you own a 2013 Lexus, you aerate. Otherwise, you just put air in your tire.

Despite many years as a homeowner, I first learned about lawn aeration the other day when my wife and I arrived home from a Sunday brunch and saw our neighbor John wrestling with what appeared to be a 200-horsepower lawn machine. The really strange part was that John was not aerating his own lawn, but rather Herb’s lawn—an apparent act of great selflessness, unless you saw he had simply lost control of the behemoth and was desperately trying to steer the machine back to his own front yard. Then Marty, watching John from his living room window, came outside to request that he be given a chance to aerate. Herb also wanted in. This scam was so ingenious that it made Tom Sawyer look like an amateur.

John tried to explain to me why it’s important to aerate a lawn, but most of the explanation required that I actually listen. He did say something about golf greens that got my attention. And I kept hearing the word “plugs,” which made me mildly interested because I once had a hair transplant. During the operation, the surgeon put over a thousand plugs in my head. My hair does look a lot thicker now, so I’m trying to keep an open mind about aeration.

I watched Herb try to aerate. Herb, who can only claim 5’8” in his wife’s high heels, was being whipped into unspeakable contortions and had to push the emergency button after he aerated Marty’s newly paved driveway. I’m opposed to deadly asphalt weapons, but John told me that the Second Amendment covers lethal lawn equipment, as well.

Herb  chose to wear shorts, socks and sandals during this demonstration, so we all got a pretty good picture of what would happen if people from a third world country went to Jack’s Tool Rental on a Sunday morning. By the way, Herb’s lawn is full of topiaries, shrubs meticulously manicured to depict various species of wild life. John goes out each morning and circles every bush about 20 times before making a single stab at with his shears. Does anyone really need that many rounds for one clip.

After observing my neighbors gleefully involved in raising their testosterone levels, I agreed to try aeration myself. I declined doing my own lawn, having arranged several years ago for nine moles to do the job for me. I took hold of the handles, pressed the bar and was quickly propelled into action.

I had never realized how exciting it would be to poke holes in a neighbor’s lawn. It was fun, but four seconds was long enough. John could see I was uncomfortable with an aerator in the neighborhood, but he put my mind at ease. “Aerators don’t poke holes in lawns. People poke holes in lawns,” he told me. That made in feel a little better. But I still think there should be backyard checks on people who want to own aerators.


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  • The best years of your life

    As people age they often look back to fondly recall the best years of their lives. Natural timeframes are the college years or that certain age before the daily grind of work and family take over the bulk of the day. Associations are to being carefree with limited responsibilities, a light and airy existence.

    August 13, 2013

  • Ziemke: My Summer Homework

    Even though session has been out for a little more than a month, the General Assembly still has much work to do. I had a brief break where I got to go home and mow the lawn, spend time at my restaurant, the Brau Haus, and attend a few festivals in addition to continuing to work on constituent concerns. The time has come for work on summer study committees to commence and I’m ready to get back at it.

    June 28, 2013

  • Mauzy: Rush County: The hope and the despair

    Moments arise when hope and despair briefly intersect. During these emotional overlaps, it’s a toss-up as to which energy will win even though we desire the best. Two recent high-profile events present the overlapping calamity often noticed in this community.

    June 28, 2013

  • Asbestos awareness is an important topic

    Dear Editor:
    My father, sister and husband all died because of asbestos. Now my brother has asbestosis. I set up my website because of the death of my husband to let people know of the dangers. It was the first website designed by a person on the internet at that time instead of by lawyers. The stories are to honour those effected by asbestos and to make sure they are never forgotten. I had just finished the last sentence when I heard of Janelle’s death.

    June 27, 2013

  • Proposed parade route

    Dear Editor:
    I see room for compromise on the 4th of July parade route. Up Main Street to 5th Street then take 5th Street to Harrison Street to 11th Street.
    Gene Monroe

    June 26, 2013

  • Barada: Good advice for parents and college students

    This week’s column is more for the parents of kids about to head to college than unsolicited advice for students about to go. Why? Because kids going away from home, some for the very first time ever, can be an even more traumatic event for the parents than for their children!

    June 25, 2013

  • Stop the student loan interest rate hike

    The key to a great life is a good education. But paying for a college education is tough. Many families are taking out second mortgages. Some are putting-off deserved vacations. Others are telling their kids they just can’t afford to attend the school of their choice.

    June 19, 2013

  • Mauzy: Recent graduates are free to explore

    Two weeks have now passed since Rush County Schools released new graduates from a state required academic curriculum.

    June 18, 2013

  • Parade should be on Harrison Street

    Dear Editor:
    There was good reason for not moving the parade back onto Main Street after the third lane was rammed through: we learned Harrison Street is a better route for both the participants and the spectators.

    June 18, 2013

  • Barada: The right people in key places

    For the first time in years, this community has exceptionally good people in key places within organizations involved directly with helping make Rush County a better place in which to live!

    June 18, 2013

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