(Here's a column from the past that might work well for those of you who plan to

cook out this Memorial Day weekend.)

I really shouldn’t brag but when it comes to cooking with fire, but I am the champion. I am truly without peer. I am the King of the Grill. It’s genetic. I come from a long line of fire-cookers; naturally all male. It began when one of my ancestors, a cavewoman, demanded that her caveman move the cooking fire outside. That same year Wal-Mart began selling grills.

Today is a big day. I am going to get a new grill. I have worn out at least five in the decade or so since we’ve settled in these parts. Sure, a tree fell on one of them after a storm (I really miss that one) but others have simply burned themselves out. The grills I demand are always kettle-style charcoal grills. Gas grills are not for this fire cooker. Gas grills impart no appreciable flavor into the precious meat for which they are entrusted. In

fact, in the wrong hands, gas grills can explode.

Yes, it is true. Grilling is dangerous work. It is not for the faint of heart.

That’s because it involves fire. Men are born to work with fire. Yes, I am a man.

One of the most important inventions of the industrial revolution is the charcoal grill chimney. This metal cylinder allows man-fire-cookers to prepare the charcoal without having to use lighter fluid. Make no mistake the lighter-fluid era had its moments. Who could forget adding a weak stream of fluid to a pile of charcoal that was barely smoldering? Who could forget the flash of fire that resulted? Who could forget the trip to the emergency room for new eyebrow grafts?

But friends, always remember cooking with fire can have its beautiful moments.

In that beauty is the reward of providing your family with a meal that if properly seared and buried could easily be carbon-dated for the better part of

the next 500 years.

This is not to say my journey to the top of the fire-cooking world has been without life-changing educational moments. With my trusty sherpa Weber, I ascended the summit to learn secrets such as 1) Spice Management, 2) The Miracle of Marinades and 3) The Kama Sutra Technique of Indirect Grilling. (You’ll never look at a bratwurst the same way again. Drop me an e-mail and I’ll be glad to share.)

I shall leave you with some important King of the Grill advice. Make sure that your cavewoman knows that when cooking on the grill, you are providing an important service to the cave family. She can enjoy an evening with her feet up watching The Nightly Business report on PBS while you take care of feeding the tribe. Here is a great e-mail from another fire-cooking man that sums up a perfect night of fire-cooking magic. It’s called: The 12 Events That Happen When Men Cook With Fire:

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, dessert and prepares the vegetables.