I was really pleased a couple of days ago when I received the latest circular from Walmart. Until then, I hadn’t realized that I could buy my necessary assault weapons from the friendly store that is most famous for being the major outlet for goods from China.
As is the case with most homeowners, I need to maintain a large assortment of assault weapons in my home in the event the need arises to overthrow a government, foreign or domestic. They are also often necessary to fight off attacks by rabbits, squirrels, white-tail deer, raccoons and so forth. Be aware that this can happen at any time.
Now I can rest easy. Right there in the Walmart hunting needs circular were featured two beauties, the Sig Sauer SIGM400 and the Colt Carbine AR15. You’ll be as pleased as I was to learn that both of these assault rifles fire the ever-popular 5.56 NATO ammunition, making it easy to stock up on ammo. Both are finished off in black, which gives them an even nicer and more ominous and threatening appearance.
The Sig Sauer has a collapsible stock, which really comes in handy when you are robbing a bank, as it is much easier to conceal under any stylish jacket. It also comes with a 30-round magazine, in the event that serious opposition is encountered.
The ad fails to mention whether or not these splendid assault rifles are “Made in China,” but I’ll try to find out, as those Chinese make lots of good stuff.
Now there may be sad news for Rush County residents who are in immediate need of more assault weapons. The Rushville Walmart is possibly the tiniest Walmart in existence--a situation worsened since they are trying to cram a grocery and liquor store into what was already a small, cramped building. They may not have room for a nice display of assault weapons. I expect the “big” Walmarts in Greensburg, Shelbyville and other towns around can fill your needs.
Oh, I forgot to mention: Walmart headed the page listing the assault rifles thusly:
“All the hunting gear you’ll need, priced just right.”
So, happy hunting--and let me know what game you bag with your dandy new assault rifle. Try not to fire off all 30 rounds--it almost ruins the meat.
And if you have an opinion, pro or con, write me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Resident of Rush County; native of Decatur County