I was really pleased a couple of days ago when I received the latest circular from Walmart. Until then, I hadn’t realized that I could buy my necessary assault weapons from the friendly store that is most famous for being the major outlet for goods from China.
As is the case with most homeowners, I need to maintain a large assortment of assault weapons in my home in the event the need arises to overthrow a government, foreign or domestic. They are also often necessary to fight off attacks by rabbits, squirrels, white-tail deer, raccoons and so forth. Be aware that this can happen at any time.
Now I can rest easy. Right there in the Walmart hunting needs circular were featured two beauties, the Sig Sauer SIGM400 and the Colt Carbine AR15. You’ll be as pleased as I was to learn that both of these assault rifles fire the ever-popular 5.56 NATO ammunition, making it easy to stock up on ammo. Both are finished off in black, which gives them an even nicer and more ominous and threatening appearance.
The Sig Sauer has a collapsible stock, which really comes in handy when you are robbing a bank, as it is much easier to conceal under any stylish jacket. It also comes with a 30-round magazine, in the event that serious opposition is encountered.
The ad fails to mention whether or not these splendid assault rifles are “Made in China,” but I’ll try to find out, as those Chinese make lots of good stuff.
Now there may be sad news for Rush County residents who are in immediate need of more assault weapons. The Rushville Walmart is possibly the tiniest Walmart in existence--a situation worsened since they are trying to cram a grocery and liquor store into what was already a small, cramped building. They may not have room for a nice display of assault weapons. I expect the “big” Walmarts in Greensburg, Shelbyville and other towns around can fill your needs.
Oh, I forgot to mention: Walmart headed the page listing the assault rifles thusly:
“All the hunting gear you’ll need, priced just right.”
So, happy hunting--and let me know what game you bag with your dandy new assault rifle. Try not to fire off all 30 rounds--it almost ruins the meat.
And if you have an opinion, pro or con, write me at email@example.com.
Resident of Rush County; native of Decatur County
- Letters to the Editor
- Letters to the Editor Thank you from Reality Store Dear Editor, MainSource Bank would like to take this opportunity to thank all of our Corporate Sponsors: MainSource Bank, Duke Energy, Beta Sigma Phi NuGamma Sorority, RushShelby Energy, Copeland, Intat, and Pizza King of
- Letters to the Editor A solution needs to be found Dear Editor, As a retired Deputy Sheriff with 35 years of experience in Rush County Law Enforcement. I now find myself a Seasoned Citizen of Rushville who must rely on the Rushville Police Department to deter crime and p
- Letter to the Editor Indy cop no longer "exemplary" Dear Editor: In reporting on the recent court case involving an Indianapolis police officer, an Indianapolis television reporter just announced that "Officer Bisard had been an exemplary officer for years." I would offe
- Letters to the Editor Local library systems still living in the past Dear Editor: I commenced to read with interest and high hopes the P-1 story in the Friday, Nov. 22, edition of the Rushville Republican headed, "Library expansion proposal heard." It didn't take long for
- Letters to the Editor Who knows everything? Nobody, that's who! Dear Editor: All the foofaraw currently going on in much of the world about "spying" is really a full load of nonsense. You could fertilize your garden with it. All countries spy on each other - always have a
- Letter to the Editor Beware those heathen Catholics! Dear Editor, I continue to be amazed that hidebound Republicans continue to defend, even admire, the actions of Sarah Palin, who continues to demonstrate her slim grasp on reality and seeming lack of ordinary intellige
- Letters to the editor Thank you Dear Editor: The family of Dick Reed wishes to thank everyone for the prayers, cards and visits for him during his illness and after his death. Special thanks to Ann and Dick Moster for the care and concern they showed in
- Letter to the Editor A refreshing moment Dear Editor: I had occasion to compliment a young waitress one day last week. She refilled my coffee cup and when I said, "Thank you," she actually replied "You're welcome." How nice to hear
- Rich Traditions Rich Traditions Rich Traditions Dear Editor: Thanksgiving is a time for so many to have great family, church, and community traditions, all rich in their own way, as well as provide many fond memories. That's the badge that Rushville holds for th
- Letter to the editor The value of what you are selling Dear Editor, Herschel used to be a mailman in Hagerstown, and he was also a painter on the side. About 40 years ago he approached me with his arm in a sling, and told me he had a ladder I could hav
- More Letters to the Editor Headlines