Rushville Republican


February 7, 2013

Stuart: Time for a Choc Talk

RUSHVILLE — Seven hundred and sixty-one thousand. Can you believe that many links came back when I Googled the phrase “I hate chocolate”? 761,000?!

I couldn’t either, and upon further investigation, I found these unbelievable expressions of choco-hate:

“I hate chocolate. I don’t like the taste, the smell, or the texture. I’ll eat a Snickers bar, or some other candy bars with chocolate in them. I’ll also eat M&M’s if they have peanuts in them. I like those!”

“I hate chocolate. But I love chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and chocolate milk.”

“I hate chocolate. It’s just that when you eat some that’s really good, it’s a real bummer when there’s no more and your mouth is saying ‘Please please I need more!’”

See what I mean by unbelievable? These people DON’T hate chocolate. They crave that chocy flavor in their mouths. As most everyone does this time of year, when St. Valentine’s Day inspires people everywhere to exchange chocolate samplers the size of freight cars. Nationwide, chocolate is the second most popular gift of the holiday, just after lovingly hand-crafted scrapbooks of my columns.

For those looking for just the right chocolate (Careful! Don’t smear it on your scrapbooks!), here are some things to keep in mind:

Chocolate Science and Arts

A study published in the “Journal of Proteome Research” says that chocoholics have different bacteria in their stomachs than people who don’t crave chocolate. I’d explain more about this, but I’d have to use words like “plasma metabolic profiles,” and “urine samples” and “intestinal flora,” and I don’t want to be blamed if those things come to mind when you munch your V-Day chocolate.

I will mention that this type of research is called “nutrimetabonomics,” a sophisticated research technique that examines how science can be used to take all the fun out of eating.

Chocolate syrup was used to fake blood in the famous shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho.” Uh-oh, now I’m daydreaming of that yummy Janet Leigh covered in chocolate. . .must drive thought from mind! Intestinal flora, intestinal flora, intestinal FLORA!!

Whew, I’m better now.

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology has a student club called The Laboratory of Chocolate Science, which aims to “spread the appreciation of chocolate all over campus.” They screen movies with chocolate themes (“Psycho” is a big favorite), hold lectures, and host a chocolate tasting around Valentine’s Day. In accordance with MIT regulations, the club promises on its website to “not discriminate based on any characteristic, including a preference for dark, milk, or white chocolate.”

Chocolate events

At the Chocolate Lovers Festival in Fairfax, Va. (March 2-3), the most popular event is the Taste of Chocolate. Admission is free, but every taste will cost you a $1-apiece exchange medium called a “POG,” which stands for “Please!!! One Godiva!!!”

At the now-defunct Anaconda, Montana, Chocolate Festival, local storekeepers handed out free chocolates to all customers. Any merchants caught not giving away chocolates were fined by the town constable, with proceeds going to chocolaty. I mean, charity.

Chocolate products

Kit Kat candy bars are very popular in Japan. This is partly because the bar’s name brings to mind the Japanese phrase “kitto katsu,” which roughly translates to “You will surely win!” This has led to mass purchases of Kit Kats as a good luck charm for friends taking school examinations. However, another Japanese phrase similar to the candy’s name is “kitto katto.” This roughly translates to “You will surely miss the cut.” This has led to mass purchases of Kit Kats as a bad luck charm for enemies taking school examinations.

Here’s my Mother Goose-ian version of how the Peter Paul candy company was founded, back in 1919.

Peter Paul Halajian and Calvin K. Kazanjian

Joined Calvin’s brother Harry and two Jakes: Hagop- and Choulj- ian.

But then their friend George Shamlian

Realized they – none! – knew candyin’.

So they hired Harry Tatigian

Whose “Mounds” made them Richie Rich-ian!

If you’re in your sweetie’s doghouse this Valentine’s Day, you should extend a Chocopologie. It’s a creamy ganache with truffle oil, dusted with cocoa powder. Oh, and it costs $250. Which equates to $2,600 per pound. Amazingly, you can buy it with only one POG (Pot of Gold).

I presume Chocopologies are sinfully good, to overshadow the maker’s name: Knipschildt, which is Danish for “intestinal flora.”



Text Only
  • There's something about Maryland My family unit has just returned from a death march – oops, make that, “vacation” – in Annapolis, Maryland. In spite of constant 96-degree temps (though it dropped as low as 95.7 at night), and the stifling humidity, we had lots of dolgurn fun. Mainl

    July 22, 2014

  • Learning to say goodbye From as far back as I can remember, saying hello has been a part of nearly each day.During my youth, it was used when I met new people my parents introduced me to and was frequently followed by a handshake. I couldn’t count the number of times I used

    July 18, 2014

  • Lessons from the largely forgotten war As we approach the official date on which the First World War started, July 28, 1914, when the first shots were fired by the Austro-Hungarians who invaded Serbia, it’s appropriate to think about the lessons that catastrophic event has taught us one h

    July 15, 2014

  • Please go away My wife is planning our summer vacation, which we will take in the fall. We took our spring vacation this summer. We got behind in 1984 and still haven’t caught up. I don’t have much input into the planning of these trips, but Mary Ellen did assign m

    July 15, 2014

  • Soothing '60's Surf Sounds I’m sitting in my home office enjoying a serenade of rhythmic pulsations emanating from the outside wall. It’s coming from our water spigot. No. 5 son (age 13) and his buddies are using it to fill water balloons. 1,500 water balloons to be exact. 1,5

    July 15, 2014

  • Soccer-stopping Storm a Lousy Treat What a great way to spend a Saturday morning in July: I’m sitting in my car with rain cascading on the roof, lightning skittering all over the sky, and thunder sockin’ it to the atmosphere with such force that I feel a rumbling in my bum.I’m staring

    July 8, 2014

  • Only in America - Top 10 As we move into the glorious months of summer, I thought you might be amused by reading the Top Ten List of what Canadians supposedly think of how things are going in this country. It’s a lot like David Letterman’s “top ten list.”Number 10: Only in A

    July 8, 2014

  • Government today is way too intrusive What ever happened to the America of my youth? That great country that was indeed the jewel of the common person of the world. The country where one could actually, through hard work and industry, make a good living and actually have the OPPORTUNITY

    July 8, 2014

  • Gone in the blink of an eye Over the holiday weekend I was able to enjoy three days, (somewhat) off work. Three day weekends are always a highlight for me and I am sure most of you will agree.I went fishing to wrap up my Sunday evening. While sitting in the old John boat castin

    July 8, 2014

  • Mum Mum If my grandmother were alive today, she would be 125, and she would still, no doubt, be walking around in her six-inch-high heels, the ones she asked to be buried in—and she’d have a Marlboro in her fingers. She demanded to be called Mum Mum because

    July 3, 2014