Rushville Republican

Columns

September 17, 2013

Getting a little culture

(Continued)

Ulukaya would not reveal how many complaints they had, but he did say “it was not in the hundreds of thousands.” This brilliant PR response was written for Ulukaya by the same guy who told George Bush to say, “Mission accomplished.”

By the way, Ulukaya is not from Greece, and neither is his yogurt. It’s made in upstate New York. Their plant was an old Kraft factory that once made Jalapeno String Cheese, the only product that Kraft ever recalled because it tasted like it was supposed to.

One news report quoted Ulukaya saying he would “not give a name to the mold.” This is a good idea, because once you call it Jerry or Samantha, it makes mass eradication much harder to feel good about. Ulukaya’s biggest concern is the onset of Giaourtiophobia, the technical word for the fear of yogurt. Besides occasional recalls, I have never understood how someone could be afraid of yogurt. Tofu? Very scary. But not yogurt-at least, not plain vanilla.

There is some good news in the yogurt world. Dermatologists have determined that slathering the stuff on your face can give you a clear complexion. However, if you use the mixed berry, you will look like you have a bad case of zits.

So that’s it for all the controversial news in yogurt this week. I didn’t mean to alarm you, but I like to stir things up. That’s why my favorite yogurt is Dannon Fruit on the Bottom.

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Columns
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  • Civil reunion My wife and I enjoy doing many things together. But when our entertainment preferences are not in sync, we can communicate openly with each other. That makes for a perfect union. But it may make for a lousy reunion. Let me explain.The Wolfsie family

    August 12, 2014

  • A capitol idea, sealed with a snog On our recent summer vacation to Annapolis, Maryland, we made sure to see as many memorable sights as we could in nearby Washington, D.C. This included a tour of the United States capitol building. Or maybe it’s the Capitol Building? – I suddenly rea

    August 12, 2014

  • Tuesdays with Auri It began with a simple phone call to my friend Auri, a computer geek I asked to help me with my very successful website, which right now is attracting up to three visitors a month. To have a strong online presence, you have to spend several hours a d

    August 5, 2014

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