Rushville Republican

Columns

August 27, 2013

Have you ever been teed off?

I’m not a big drinker. After one glass of wine, I don’t look for a fight, but I do look for a designated driver. My wife calls me a short hitter, which brings me to this week’s topic.

The golf course where I play is now allowing seniors to hit from the ladies’ tees in the tournaments. The idea is that when you reach a certain age you can’t hit the ball as far as the young bucks, so allowing this advantage to those over 65 levels the playing field. Many of the guys choose not to indulge in this option because they claim it is emasculating. Some of these men have been married 40 or more years. All of a sudden, this is an issue?

The first round I played from the shorter tees, I had five pars and two birdies. I also had three guys call me Rosemary. On the 19th hole, Tina the bartender put a little flower in my drink. That’s the last time I’ll order a Shirley Temple.

It got worse as the day went on. When I was in the men’s room, Vince walked in and said “Whoops, sorry, wrong door,” then covered his eyes and backed out.

When I got home, Mary Ellen, who has no real interest in my favorite sport, had a question about some of the terminology used in the game. “In golf, what do they mean by the purse?” I explained that the purse was the total winnings in dollars available to the players in a tournament.

“Oh, I’m glad you won money today, but be more careful in the future,” said Mary Ellen. “The guys at the club just called and told me to tell you that you left your purse on the golf cart.” Later that evening the women’s club champion called and asked me to stop winking at her husband at the bar.

Text Only
Columns
  • Spying ways to have vacation fun I have a neighbor named John Campbell, and I am suddenly EXTREMELY suspicious of him.It all started with our summer vacation to Maryland. We made several excursions into Washington, D.C. from our “base camp” in Annapolis. In fact, of the five days we

    July 29, 2014

  • I expect them to do nothing Which crisis is at the top of the list this week? Is it the IRS scandal, the VA scandal, the fighting in Gaza, the emergence of ISIS as a deadly power in the Middle East, the intentional shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 which killed nearl

    July 29, 2014

  • Word of advice So, what’s the word? Really, what is the word? With over 250,000 words in the English language, you’d think there would be a word for just about everything. Not so. Therefore, I am on a crusade to find a term for some everyday occurrences for which t

    July 29, 2014

  • There's something about Maryland My family unit has just returned from a death march – oops, make that, “vacation” – in Annapolis, Maryland. In spite of constant 96-degree temps (though it dropped as low as 95.7 at night), and the stifling humidity, we had lots of dolgurn fun. Mainl

    July 22, 2014

  • Learning to say goodbye From as far back as I can remember, saying hello has been a part of nearly each day.During my youth, it was used when I met new people my parents introduced me to and was frequently followed by a handshake. I couldn’t count the number of times I used

    July 18, 2014

  • Lessons from the largely forgotten war As we approach the official date on which the First World War started, July 28, 1914, when the first shots were fired by the Austro-Hungarians who invaded Serbia, it’s appropriate to think about the lessons that catastrophic event has taught us one h

    July 15, 2014

  • Please go away My wife is planning our summer vacation, which we will take in the fall. We took our spring vacation this summer. We got behind in 1984 and still haven’t caught up. I don’t have much input into the planning of these trips, but Mary Ellen did assign m

    July 15, 2014

  • Soothing '60's Surf Sounds I’m sitting in my home office enjoying a serenade of rhythmic pulsations emanating from the outside wall. It’s coming from our water spigot. No. 5 son (age 13) and his buddies are using it to fill water balloons. 1,500 water balloons to be exact. 1,5

    July 15, 2014

  • Soccer-stopping Storm a Lousy Treat What a great way to spend a Saturday morning in July: I’m sitting in my car with rain cascading on the roof, lightning skittering all over the sky, and thunder sockin’ it to the atmosphere with such force that I feel a rumbling in my bum.I’m staring

    July 8, 2014

  • Only in America - Top 10 As we move into the glorious months of summer, I thought you might be amused by reading the Top Ten List of what Canadians supposedly think of how things are going in this country. It’s a lot like David Letterman’s “top ten list.”Number 10: Only in A

    July 8, 2014