Rushville Republican


January 28, 2014

The roots of Super Bowl rooting


That’s a sad enough story to make me root for Seattle, but. . .

• I could root for Denver, if only because the city got its name in a blatant act of sucking up; the story goes that in November, 1858, William Larimer, a land speculator from Kansas Territory, staked a claim on what is now Denver, and named the town to stroke the ego of Kansas Territorial Governor James W. Denver, who Larimer hoped would make the town the county seat. Unbeknownst to Larimer, Governor Denver had already resigned from office.

Good thing Larimer just stuck with “Denver” and didn’t change the name to stroke the ego of the next Kansas Territorial Governor, or Peyton Manning would be playing for the much-less-tough-sounding Medary Broncos.

• I could root for Denver, because one of the most powerful predictors of football success in all the universe indicates Denver will win: According to the Internet Movie Database – aka IMDB – Denver will win 46-25. That’s the number of movie titles including “Denver” in the title versus how many include “Seattle.”

• I could root for Seattle because one of the movies containing its name is “Criminal Opportunities in Seattle”; then again, maybe not, considering the peculiar description this flick: “A football player and a homicidal maniac wreak havoc on their local police in this comedy.” Yeah, sounds real comedic.

• Better perhaps to root for Denver, because of this genuinely fun-sounding movie: “Fast Girls, Slow Bikes: The Story of Denver’s Mods ‘n Knockers”; it’s the story of “a tight-knit all-girls gang brought together by a mutual love of classic Vespa and Lambretta scooters.”

So wait. . .this film promises some intriguing elements; “Fast Girls”. . .“tight-knit”. . .“knockers.” And knowing my whole family doesn’t care about the Broncos or Seahawks, I casually suggested to my wife that we watch this instead of some boring football game.

And bam!, just like that, I lost control of the remote for ALL of Super Sunday! Which is why I’ll spend that day on a log on the beach, weeping bitter tears of discouragement.

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