Rushville Republican

Columns

January 21, 2014

Sochi, Chemmy and Snooki - All in one column

Of all the exciting events on tap during the upcoming Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, NONE promises to be so much fun as this column previewing them!

Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. Heck, this might not even be the most fun pre-Olympic preview, considering that NBC television has posted a video about “Russia’s Vodka History.”

Did you know that the guy who invented the Periodic Table of Elements – Dmitri Mendeleev, dedicated his doctoral studies to perfecting vodka’s chemistry, and published the “standardized” formula for vodka in 1894?

These days, there are more than 600 different brands of Russian vodka. And one of them is named Mendeleev Vodka. It’s got the crystal clear water and fermented wheat that every “standardized” Russian vodka must have. But dark rumors have it that it gets its extra-special kick from the addition of healthy amounts of Mendelevium, the element named after Dmitri. I think this could possibly be true. After all, as I knew even before I double-checked on the internet, Mendelevium is “a metallic radioactive transuranic element in the actinide series”; and on the Mendeleev Vodka website, there are numerous photos of bee-yoo-tee-ful Russian girls posing with bottles of the stuff while wearing bikinis that barely hide any of their positively radioactive suntans.

Speaking of bee-yoo-tee-ful girls (how’s that for a smooth segue back to the topic of this column?), let’s get up-close and personal with one who will compete in downhill skiing. It’s Chemmy Alcott of Great Britain, which is either part of England or the United Kingdom, I’m not sure which.

Chemmy might strike you as an unusual name, largely because it is. It’s short for “Chimene,” which Alcott’s mother chose after watching the movie El Cid, which featured a character named “Chimena,” portrayed by Sophia Loren, who many would agree was every bit as hot as a metallic radioactive transuranic element in the actinide series.

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