I hope you’ll take a few moments from celebrating National Farrier’s Week (July 6-12) to read this column, wherein I share my depth of knowledge about the important work of farriers.
Well, thanks for reading, and see you next week.
Wait, come back, I was just kidding. I’ve gotta write 750 words about something, or The Republican won’t pay me the exorbitant salary that enables me to work only two other jobs. So here’s some genuine hard-earned knowledge about farriers, which I’ve gained over the last 11-½ minutes.
Firstly, farriers, as everyone knows, earn their keep by shoeing horses. Secondly, no matter how time-honored and historical the term “farrier” is, the people who make a living farriering really oughta consider calling themselves something else.
For one thing, “farrier” drives my computer’s Spellcheck insane. It chastises me severely to replace farrier with “furrier,” “ferrier,” or “Miguel Ferrer.”*
*Note to my mom: Ferrer’s an actor, the son of Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney.**
**Note to hip young readers: You wouldn’t guess it from the complete lack of resemblance, but Miguel Ferrer is George Clooney’s cousin; while George is so handsome he’s often mistaken for me, Miguel could fairly be described as horse-faced.
Another reason to jettison the term “farrier” is that today’s hip young persons haven’t got a clue that it involves horses and their hooves. For example, I asked my kids what they think a farrier is. Their responses:
No 5 son, age 13: “Someone who catches fairies.”
No. 4 son, age 17: “Someone who drives a ferry boat.”
No. 3 son, age 19: “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! MY iPOD IS TOO LOUD!”
Of course, you avid horsemen, horsewomen and horsechildren out there are wondering if this column will ever get the least bit interesting, since you already know the importance of a good farrier. In fact, you’ve probably already downloaded the free certificate of appreciation from the americanfarriers.com website, and have it completed and ready to give to your farrier sometime during National Farrier’s Week.