Rushville Republican

Columns

November 28, 2012

Post-holiday newsy “casserole”

RUSHVILLE — If you’re still impressed with yourself for chomping at least one serving of every dish at your Thanksgiving feast, think how proud you’re going to feel after digesting the following collection of newsy type tidbits! (Just please don’t call them “leftovers” - I prefer something more flavorful, say, “sound bites on a shingle.”)

No. 3 son received word the other day that he’s been accepted for induction into the “Society of High School Persons Who Are Kicking Tail in Math.” Okay, that’s probably not the actual name of the organization, but it’s something like that. I have a good excuse for not remembering the club’s name, because he’s not even going to be an official member of it for NINE MORE YEARS. Seriously. The letter he received, signed by the student President of his school’s chapter, as well as the student Treasurer, it advised him that he should plan to attend an induction ceremony on, and I quote, “December 5, 2021.”

The good news is that I can withhold the $10 initiation fee until then. Now I was never smart enough in math to be chosen for an honor society, but I got out my calculator and did some figgerin’, and I’ve deduced that when the Treasurer of No. 3 son’s Society gets that $10, she’ll do some quick calculations of her own and conclude that she doesn’t care.

We traveled to Buffalo, New York for Thanksgiving and saw many friends and family members. At one get-together, we were introduced to the five-month old granddaughter of our friend Grace. At one point we were also introduced to a picture of Grace when she was only a few months old, and the resemblance between her picture and the new baby was jaw-dropping, to the point where I blurted out that it was “creepy.” Both Grace and the baby gave me kind of a funny look for that.

A short while later the baby was evidently feeling peckish and started to screw up her face and cry. It was then that I blurted out “Now she really looks like Grace!” The house shook with laughter from all the guests, and then, within just a few seconds the house shook from Grace slamming the front door behind me.

My No. 5 son (age 11) and his nine-year old cousin got a big kick out of a Thanksgiving Day football play when the NY Jets quarterback essentially knocked himself down while carrying the ball by running right into a teammate’s heinie. They giggled themselves silly over it, especially the suuuuuper slooooow motion replay. And then they were able to relive the joy the next day when I showed them the newspaper article containing the line “Sanchez inexplicably ran right into his own lineman’s butt.”

Most of the friends we visited in Buffalo have kids around the same ages as mine, and you just know that they get sooooo exceedingly tired of hearing things like “look how big your are!” And “boy have you grown!” I, too, cringe as such cliches, but was a little surprised that when I gave them my best empathetic look after hearing them they stared back at me with an undisguised “not that line again” eye roll. Turns out this was because I was the one who had just said something like “You’re sprouting like a weed!”

I guess that even after years of modulating my behaviors and mannerisms to evoke maximum hipness, even I am susceptible to the dreaded condition known as Involuntary Fogey-ism.

It surprised me to learn on our Thanksgiving travels that No. 4 son, who generally tends to put the “devil” in “daredevil,” is afraid of flying. Like, REALLY afraid. Even though he’ll take on any gut-busting roller coaster known to man without batting an eye, AND right after eating a Styrofoam container of gut-busting amusement park chili nachos. My attitudes about altitudes are the complete opposite of his: Flying is not so trying, thrill riders are suicidal. I tried to calm his per-flight jitters with soothing words but he would have none of it, especially when I avowed that I would never ride - EVER -the Incredible Hulk roller-coaster at Universal Studios theme park.

We decided to not try to convert one another to the other’s way of thinking, and instead to commiserate over something we’re mutually horrified by and fearful of: inexplicably running right into each other’s butts.

TakefiveT5@yahoo.com

 

1
Text Only
Columns
  • There's something about Maryland My family unit has just returned from a death march – oops, make that, “vacation” – in Annapolis, Maryland. In spite of constant 96-degree temps (though it dropped as low as 95.7 at night), and the stifling humidity, we had lots of dolgurn fun. Mainl

    July 22, 2014

  • Learning to say goodbye From as far back as I can remember, saying hello has been a part of nearly each day.During my youth, it was used when I met new people my parents introduced me to and was frequently followed by a handshake. I couldn’t count the number of times I used

    July 18, 2014

  • Lessons from the largely forgotten war As we approach the official date on which the First World War started, July 28, 1914, when the first shots were fired by the Austro-Hungarians who invaded Serbia, it’s appropriate to think about the lessons that catastrophic event has taught us one h

    July 15, 2014

  • Please go away My wife is planning our summer vacation, which we will take in the fall. We took our spring vacation this summer. We got behind in 1984 and still haven’t caught up. I don’t have much input into the planning of these trips, but Mary Ellen did assign m

    July 15, 2014

  • Soothing '60's Surf Sounds I’m sitting in my home office enjoying a serenade of rhythmic pulsations emanating from the outside wall. It’s coming from our water spigot. No. 5 son (age 13) and his buddies are using it to fill water balloons. 1,500 water balloons to be exact. 1,5

    July 15, 2014

  • Soccer-stopping Storm a Lousy Treat What a great way to spend a Saturday morning in July: I’m sitting in my car with rain cascading on the roof, lightning skittering all over the sky, and thunder sockin’ it to the atmosphere with such force that I feel a rumbling in my bum.I’m staring

    July 8, 2014

  • Only in America - Top 10 As we move into the glorious months of summer, I thought you might be amused by reading the Top Ten List of what Canadians supposedly think of how things are going in this country. It’s a lot like David Letterman’s “top ten list.”Number 10: Only in A

    July 8, 2014

  • Government today is way too intrusive What ever happened to the America of my youth? That great country that was indeed the jewel of the common person of the world. The country where one could actually, through hard work and industry, make a good living and actually have the OPPORTUNITY

    July 8, 2014

  • Gone in the blink of an eye Over the holiday weekend I was able to enjoy three days, (somewhat) off work. Three day weekends are always a highlight for me and I am sure most of you will agree.I went fishing to wrap up my Sunday evening. While sitting in the old John boat castin

    July 8, 2014

  • Mum Mum If my grandmother were alive today, she would be 125, and she would still, no doubt, be walking around in her six-inch-high heels, the ones she asked to be buried in—and she’d have a Marlboro in her fingers. She demanded to be called Mum Mum because

    July 3, 2014

Featured Ads
AP Video
13 Struck by Lightning on Calif. Beach Baseball Hall of Famers Inducted Israel, Hamas Trade Fire Despite Truce in Gaza Italy's Nibali Set to Win First Tour De France Raw: Shipwrecked Concordia Completes Last Voyage Raw: Sea Turtle Hatchlings Emerge From Nest Raw: Massive Dust Storm Covers Phoenix 12-hour Cease-fire in Gaza Fighting Begins Raw: Bolivian Dancers Attempt to Break Record Raw: Israel, Palestine Supporters Rally in US Raw: Air Algerie Flight 5017 Wreckage Virginia Governor Tours Tornado Aftermath Judge Faces Heat Over Offer to Help Migrant Kids Kangaroo Goes Missing in Oklahoma More M17 Bodies Return, Sanctions on Russia Grow Raw: Deadly Tornado Hits Virginia Campground Ohio State Marching Band Chief Fired After Probe Raw: Big Rig Stuck in Illinois Swamp
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.