Rushville Republican

Columns

December 17, 2013

Scraping the bottom of the bowls

(Continued)

If you’ve read those “Hunger Games” books or watched the movies, you know that most of the characters have dynamic and colorful names; names like those of:

> Colorado State quarterback Gaspar Dominici;

> Fresno State running back Malique Micenheimer;

> University of Southern California tight end Xavier Grimble;

> University of Buffalo defensive back Dwellie Striggles;

Please tell me this guy’s nickname is “Good Times” – Washington State defensive back Bennett Bontemps.

Sponsor stumper: The “Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl” is brought to me by. . .I didn’t know – I never heard of Royal Purple. Turns out it’s a company that makes synthetic industrial and automotive lubricants, using exclusive Synerlec technology. Tell me THAT wouldn’t make a GREAT “Hunger Games” name: Royal Purple Synerlec.

Monty Python’s Flying Circus once produced a silly sketch featuring a character named Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson. (He was a symphonic composer who – well, it’s too complicated to explain, but he hated being nicknamed “Two Sheds.”) Colorado State feels far better and prouder about its status as the “Two Shaqs” school – linebacker Shaq Barrett and defensive back Shaq Bell.

Too bad Fresno State and University of Buffalo aren’t playing the same game; it could’ve given us a matchup of these lineman – James Funk versus Jason Bunk.

Tulane University’s roster is like a collection of “Great Cities of the World”:

> tight end Sydie London;

> offensive lineman Rio Mares;

> punter Austin Righeimer;

> kicker Cairo Santos, K

> defensive tackle Eldrick Washington.

Speaking of cities, how many times will this University of Buffalo wide receiver be asked about the coincidence of where his bowl game (The Famous Idaho Potato with Synerlec Bowl) is being played?: Boise Ross, playing in Boise.

Similarly, we’ve got Tulane running back Orleans Darkwa suiting up for the New Orleans Bowl, which will also be played in Boise.

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