Rushville Republican

Columns

December 17, 2013

Scraping the bottom of the bowls

No matter how much you love college football, this is the time of year when you just have to roll your eyes and say “Gimme a break.” Honestly, why in the name of Elvis Grbac (former University of Michigan quarterback) were we forced to wait until Dec. 21 for the first bowl game?! There should be at least two dozen more post-season contests added to the schedule! Or however many it takes for my beloved Purdue Boilermakers (ONE win in 2013!) to be invited to play in one.

Of course, not everyone agrees with me. My wife, for example. She holds the absurd notion that I already watch “too much” football. As if there was such a thing. She was so mad the other Saturday when I spent an entire afternoon pondering why Texas State’s helmets bear a logo of Donald Trump’s hairdo. Turns out it was the head of a Bobcat. A Bobcat with one ugly hairdo.

But this is exactly the sort of knowledge that can only be acquired by viewing a glut of college football bowl games. Not to mention the following fascinating facts, stuff so meaningful that I’ll never forget it. At least until they start airing new episodes of “The Bachelor.”

I’ve been pondering for years how I’m going to make my second million dollars (I decided to just start working on the second million because I was too busy to get around to the first) and I’ve finally gotten the perfect idea thanks to a running back from Colorado State! Don’t steal this idea, okay, but envision a new clothing craze for infants – keep messy mealtime spills off baby’s clothes, in a stylish pant that extends fetchingly to baby’s mid-calf: yes, it’s Kapri Bibbs!

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