Rushville Republican

Columns

February 11, 2014

Lessons from a rock chalk talk

A noxious pest that hasn’t bothered us for a long time has suddenly returned to haunt us. Actually, make that two noxious pests, what with the return of “American Idol’s” Ryan Seacrest.

The slightly less noxious problem is an electric guitar that we weren’t smart enough to get rid of a long time ago. No. 5 son, age 12, is thinking about learning to play it. He figures since he’s still a few years away from the start of his Hall-of-Fame NFL career, he’ll just spend that time becoming a rock ‘n’ roll demi-god, which will enable him to permanently ditch school bus rides and homework while simultaneously becoming Lorde’s main squeeze.

His legend will begin with a Squier Stratocaster, a guitar produced especially for parents trying to spend as little as possible on an object destined to be sold, barely used, at a garage sale.

We bought our Squier Strat several years ago, barely used, at a garage sale, when No. 3 son was chasing his rock dream, which wheezed to a speedy halt upon his stunned realization that mastering a musical instrument requires a repetitive, not to mention repetitious, routine known as “practice.”

Don’t tell No. 5 this, but for the sake of my cochlea, I fervently hope his rock star gets sucked into the same black hole as No. 3’s. Unfortunately, as I write, he’s in the basement, wowing some neighborhood pals with the famous riff from “Smoke on the Water.” (He can only pluck it out on one string, but it’s somehow comforting that a bunch of hyper-stimulated 12-year olds can still be so easily wowed.)

At the moment, No. 5’s amplifier is dialed to the “May Bruise Non-Vital Organs” setting. I can probably deal with that, as long as he doesn’t crank it any higher. But what if he decides to specialize in the music of Deep Purple, for whom “Smoke on the Water” was a huge hit in 1973? If he emulates those guys, he’s bound to discover that the Guinness Book of World Records once named them the World’s Loudest Band. This will greatly excite him; in all his endeavors, he firmly believes that loudness equals greatness.

Text Only
Columns
  • This column will self-destruct in 5 seconds I've become completely infatuated over the past few weeks with a gift I received a few Christmases ago. It was a completely unexpected gift from one of my big brothers: a set of "Mission: Impossible" DVDs. No, not home videos of me begging my kids to

    April 15, 2014

  • Don't sweat the small things There are a few things in life that really get under my skin, one of which is complaining. Yes, I complain sometimes, but it doesn't last too long at all before I put myself in check. There was a story this week that really touched my heart and like

    April 15, 2014

  • The timeless beauty of wicker No matter what the day may bring, I can leave it all behind when I take my evening walk. Strolling through our historic neighborhood on Indy's south side is a multifaceted treat. It is good for my heart, it erases the cares of the day and it affords

    April 15, 2014

  • Self deposit box I love where I bank. It's a branch inside of a big supermarket. I can make a modest withdrawal and then go and blow every last penny in the cookie aisle. The tellers at the window appreciate me. They know about my obsession with round numbers and und

    April 15, 2014

  • Change can be done here In previous columns I've suggested that one of the factors holding this community back is the relatively poor image many of us have of our town. The point, as some may recall, was made by several people who live in other communities who said Rushvill

    April 15, 2014

  • Second hand rose...or fashionista? "Fashion is an expression of individualism mixed with charisma"....John Fairchild 1940's sensible shoes with a '70's midi-skirt. High waist skirts with over the knee boots. Polka dot shirts with bell-bottom pants. Retro fashion is here to stay, and w

    April 11, 2014

  • Mankind is not causing global warming Back on Feb. 26 of this year, an article appeared on FoxNews.com with the following headline, "Greenpeace co-founder: No scientific proof humans are dominant cause of warming climate." Here's what Patrick Moore, a Canadian ecologist and co-founder of

    April 8, 2014

  • One fine day True story here: a long time ago, a young woman from Cincinnati daydreams of growing up and meeting a nice man, getting married, learning to cook, having two children, etc. etc. Eventually, it all comes true for her. Except it all happens in a major

    April 8, 2014

  • It is time we take back our country What ever happened to the America of my youth? That great country that was indeed the jewel of the common person of the world. The country where one could actually, through hard work and industry, make a good living and actually have the OPPORTUNITY

    April 8, 2014

  • Net tricks My wife and I went on a binge last week. If you think I'm talking about an eating binge, you've never seen how thin we both are. If you think I mean a shopping binge, you don't know how cheap we are. And if you think it was cleaning binge, you've nev

    April 8, 2014

Featured Ads
AP Video
Raw: Orthodox Christians Observe Easter Rite Ceremony Marks 19th Anniversary of OKC Bombing Raw: Four French Journalists Freed From Syria Raw: Massive 7.2 Earthquake Rocks Mexico Captain of Sunken SKorean Ferry Arrested Raw: Fire Destroys 3 N.J. Beachfront Homes Raw: Pope Presides Over Good Friday Mass Raw: Space X Launches to Space Station Superheroes Descend on Capitol Mall Man Charged in Kansas City Highway Shootings Obama Awards Navy Football Trophy Anti-semitic Leaflets Posted in Eastern Ukraine Raw: Magnitude-7.2 Earthquake Shakes Mexico City Ceremony at MIT Remembers One of Boston's Finest Raw: Students Hurt in Colo. School Bus Crash Raw: Church Tries for Record With Chalk Jesus Raw: Faithful Celebrate Good Friday Worldwide Deadly Avalanche Sweeps Slopes of Mount Everest Police Arrest Suspect in Highway Shootings Drought Concerns May Hurt Lake Tourism
Hyperlocal Search
Premier Guide
Find a business

Walking Fingers
Maps, Menus, Store hours, Coupons, and more...
Premier Guide
Parade
Magazine

Click HERE to read all your Parade favorites including Hollywood Wire, Celebrity interviews and photo galleries, Food recipes and cooking tips, Games and lots more.